Its 1:38 AM and it is my first blog ever. I can't sleep because I am scared to death of death. Two weeks ago I had a "pigmented lesion" or gigantic mole removed from my neck. Now I am waiting to find out if it was malignant. I have 18 more days until I get my results.

So yes, I am panicking and I haven't even received a diagnosis yet. I may not even have cancer and even if the mole was malignant it is possible that they have removed all of the cancer and that is the last I will hear of it. So why the early panic?

For the last year my body has been trying its best to tell me something is wrong and I have been dismissing it. Now it is screaming at me. Each painful swallow in my throat is screaming "Why didn't you listen?" Each time a pain shoots up my leg bone it is yelling "Why didn't you act sooner?" Each time I try to finish a sentence but become winded before I can get to the end, my body is saying "Now it might be too late." Well now I am listening but the question is how do I get anyone to listen to me?